Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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