Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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