i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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