Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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