why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
