I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
