The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
