and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
