When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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