A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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