hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
