yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
