My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
