is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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