i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
