Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
