I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
