She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
