I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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