i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
