I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
