she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I could make wine with my vomit
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
