o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
