Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
