I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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