If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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