Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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