I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
porn star boner night. come get it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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