brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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