im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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