I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
