the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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