Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
