the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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