the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
