I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
