dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
