smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
