I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
