they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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