Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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