Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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