good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
