i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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