just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
