I want to make a zoo with you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
