Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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