Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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