This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
