i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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