She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Found the puke drawer
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
