You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
